I was about 12 years old when puberty slapped me in the face, many years before anyone else in my school. It was odd in school, in the shower after gym class, not to mention the internal weirdness going on inside me. Strangely enough, while developing years before everyone else I was the last one to kiss a girl.

My friends used to have make out parties where someone would switch off the lights and then you’d stumble in a dark room, finding someone to make out with and get at it. After one minute the light would come on and the game started over. It was called “The Dark Minute”. I was the one keeping the time and controlling the light switch, while everyone else made out with whomever they were grabbing. I didn’t understand the game.

A few years things started to change, they’d call themselves boyfriend/girlfriend but they still had those make out parties. Everyone was with everyone but they stayed together for a week or a month or so and called it a relationship. We used to gather in the blocks common house and have parties, make out parties. Everyone would cozy down in a couch with their partner and make out to loud music played. I was in charge of the music. Actually that’s how I started my DJ career. I understood how to mix music well but I never understood the game.

Eventually even I found someone and ironically enough I was the first one out of all of us to “go all the way”. I remember one of my friends asking what a vagina smells like. He even insisted that I shouldn’t wash my hands afterwards so he could smell my hand. I know, eeew, I didn’t understand the game.

At the same time my friends discovered alcohol and getting drunk became the new thing. I was talked into getting drunk one night just to show them I wouldn’t like it. I know, stupid. I was right and pretty soon me and my childhood friends lost our common grounds. Their world revolved around getting drunk, partying and I was sitting at home meditating or spending time with my girlfriend because I didn’t understand their game.

Eventually the relationship ended and I became single and I still remember to this day not being able to be intimate with other girls. I simply couldn’t, I would be repulsed by their taste, smell and touch. It took over a year to get over that and by that time I no longer had any contact with my childhood friends. My family moved, I changed school and a new life started and I started to understand the game.

Many things changed but I am always reminded of that I’ve always been the odd man out. Always representing that alternative frame of mind and always the one controlling the lights, managing the music and everything else that made me the odd man out. I’ve never understood why I took on that role and I still don’t understand why I do that. The difference now is that I understand the game, I simply don’t see the point of it.